There are words that heal when spoken

There are words that heal when spoken,

Harsh as they may sound…

And some words are spoken justly…

There are words that heal when spoken.

And some words are spoken softly,

Conceited lies designed to bond.

There are words that heal when spoken;

Harsh as they may sound…

                        

There are words that heal when spoken,

Harsh as they may sound;

In true friendship a loving chastise.

There are words that heal when spoken.

In grand self-righteous justice,

Some words are gently woven…

There are words that heal when spoken,

Harsh as they may sound.

The Spread I use the most

Waiting

I have left this Journal desolate for over a year, almost, because I was in contract … But as it is, I’ll soon be able to go back to writing and Art when this contract finally ends when September ends.

As things are, I’ve been happy with the work… But I’d be happier still to be free again… I did offer to freelance for them if they get shorthanded… But I wouldn’t enter another contract… My pets at home rarely see me long enough in a day, let alone the thought of training them…

I do miss my drawing board!

Fragments and vestiges

You exist as fragments and vestiges.

You don’t feel grounded.

You are always haunted by your unresolved past, and ghosts of the life before.

Looking forward seems like peering into a realm of nightmares, and possibilities are to scary.

Cowards that you are, you try to live meaningfully, but always the stumbling block is eveready.

What better place to be than grovelling in the dirt?

Whining for the sky, fragments and vestiges till the day you die.

Stand in the shadow cast by those standing tall and strong.

Always, always whining about things in your life that had gone wrong.

Words breed words, as thoughts come alive.

Break the chains, free your soul.

Words that once were used to imprison you shall make you whole.

Here’s one last reverie, before you whispily wander on your way.

It is not hard to trust and love… be selfish not with it… for in the end, nothing else matters.

But trust and love leave no victims in their wake. Only dreams and sweet memories of once was.

Such is the true nature of fragments and vestiges.

Angel or Devil?

Well, a certain character has been around more often lately… talks and acts cheeky… I’m glad for his presence…

Your Eyes

In all my years of life I still have one problem I can’t seem to solve…

Those of you who know me face to face probably already noticed. I don’t look into your eyes for very long… Because I don’t think it’s my business… A lot of times I feel it’s really cute that your eyes are so beautiful and expressive, and all  more colourful than mine.

It’s not that I can’t look people straight in the face, I do.  And when needed I don’t blink. But it’s some sort of sacred reverence for the beauty of god in your eyes I do not look… because I don’t feel I’m worthy to peer into your soul.

 

I remember having this conversation with someone once… Apparently it boils down to not because I’m fidgety, but because I think people’s eyes are really the windows to their souls and though the eyes are used mainly for sight… I do see there’s a real deep significance in the whose eyes’ gaze I hold.

I don’t know how long it will take before someone’s gaze is considered safe… but there’s a level of insecurity with the people that I meet.

I find it easy to bear the gaze of someone who hates me, but in the gaze of someone who likes me I quake. In the gaze of those who hate me I actually don’t bend, melt or show fear… But to the ones you like me I feel I am not even solid. -So I guess the gauge for how much I like a person is how much I fidget in front of that person… hahahahahaha

 

But on the more serious side… I do feel that with those I feel fidgety with, there’s an amount of awe and trust as well… I want to know them more, to know what’s behind their gaze… I think that there’s a small amount of curiosity and intrigue… and towards them the tension is like waiting for when it’s time to unravel the wrapping to enjoy the present inside.

 

I think in time the nervousness settles down and I would feel all right with the person I like… but as expreience shows, that’s not a mile marker… There’s one person I can’t read, guess, anticipate or predict… and in that person’s gaze I am cast into oblivion… Strange though…

 

On a more Scorpionic note… I’m grateful my eyes are dark and unreadable. And that my face is not so readable… I have one expression the most and that usually keeps people off of me… muahahahah

The most

The most beautiful

the most wanted,

the most wonderful,

the most needed,

the most necessary,

the most hated,

the most justified,

the most sacred,

the most loved,

the most beloved…

the most mysterious,

the most everything to me

the most you.

Not my kind of stimulation

There’s really little people actually know about love and life. Each one go through their definitive ripples… like a minute droplet of water… barely heavy enough to break the surface tension. they look at the few ripples and say that’s what life is.

Each droplet is barely big enough to cause any significant change in the pool of water… no one really sees beyond the horizon of their personal space.

I think that’s the core of why humans are so vain, egotistical and self-important. Because they can’t exist without it. Without it, they feel they have no skin. Without it they have to care a different way. A way without eating other people’s energy.

On the one hand, I don’t see anything wrong with a healthy ego. I do find it rather arrogant of some people to get all fired up that they didn’t get something they wanted. And end up throwing fits of uncontrolled emotions, making it everyone else’s problem to adjust to the flare-ups.

I should be sleeping

I haven’t been drinking coffee for over a week now, it’s been tea, water, soy milk and juice… this morning I made a really dumb mistake of taking a mug of coffee… now I’m completely awake and feel like a putz. I have work at 9 A.M.

I already know I’m sensitive to stuff like that, and yet I can’t say no when someone pours me a cup of coffee…

kicking myself right now.

(the good thing is I got all the work done, especially editting that one video for one of my seniors at work… I think I surprised my boss when he saw me slicing and splicing awake in the “aquarium” – reception office, the regular guy there is off on Mondays so I have to man the phone and do all the knick knacks that are his tasks. anyway the video’s being use first thing in the morning. I hope it turns out well. I won’t here about it till my senior comes back from the lecture)

The first week

It’s going well… I find myself talking quite a bit with the guy responsible for the IT part of work… I only met him yesterday, since he rarely comes to work on Mondays… he only comes in on Tuesdays… so today was my second day of knowing him and we shared lunch.

Amazingly enough he’s actually the first one to tell me the other side of things at work… so as a return gesture I looked at his astrology chart… and he’s rather surprised… but he did let me see the darker side of the place, so I let him have a peep into what’s in my head… he had a crash course in astrology… muahahahha well it was like he had found a mysterious key, and opened a door, and I tossed him in… he enjoyed it…

I got to know some of the others a little better… and they seem to be fine… Cautious/Curious… quite a cute combination. Ladies of the office are rather beautiful… the one I talked with last Friday, she’s a really motivated person…

There’s one lady who has her office in Organized Chaos. I saw her from somewhere before… and well, she saw me before too… after some talk… I realized she moves around in the same circle… we know the same people.

At the moment I’m kind of standing on a razor’s edge… the question of whether I belong there or not. But one thing is for sure… I am quite prepared to dive in. Because it’s something I believe in. It puts me in a place where I’m really able to help out and be useful. and yet behind the scenes enough that I will not be in the spotlight at all…

And most of all I would be able to keep my important promise to the children I’ve been working with last year.

Tid bits: Astrology does help break the surface nicely… maybe…

I just heard a really weird piece of gossip, someone I know who happens to be a celebrity who dabbles in astrology a bit thinks to milk it for all it’s worth and sells astrology readings at the most ridiculously high prices… 90 € a reading… I’m thinking is she really seriously thinking she is really that accurate? -I think it’s daft to rip people off like that.

I told the lady to just come see me tomorrow when she’s free. She wondered about it… of course I’m a complete stranger. I told her that if she’s willing to pay that much to get a hack reading, then she’ll lose nothing to have me look at her chart for free… So she sat there in her office blinking it down a while before she realized I meant it seriously.